When Charla Muller told her friends what she was giving her husband Brad for his 40th birthday, she was met with a variety of responses - none remotely positive.
One thought she might have been going through a mid-life crisis of her own when she came up with the idea. Another questioned her sanity, and yet another asked bluntly: 'Were you drunk when you thought of this?'
On the eve of Brad's birthday, Charla told him that his present was going to be sex with her every day for a year.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/ar...-day-year.html
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#2 10 July 2008, 04:04 AM
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Quote:
'When my girlfriends ask if it's healthy to do it once a week, three times a week or whatever, I just tell them to do it twice as often as they are doing it at the moment.
But what if that makes an undefined ratio?
Interesting read. DW and I were joking that vacation was a good six month supply.
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#3 10 July 2008, 04:19 AM
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I do agree with the part about there being time, even when you think there isn't. I am not sure if this is the best way to reprioritize your life, but I guess it probably works for some. Sort of like the way to make time in your life for exercise is to just do it, and tough it out the first couple of weeks until you enjoy it. I guess it's just another thing that you gotta fake it 'til you make it.
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#4 10 July 2008, 04:22 AM
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I should perhaps say that if a woman offered me this particular "gift" I'm not sure I would be ready to take her up on it (though twenty-five years ago, I certainly would have thought so...). If she offered sex any time I wanted it for a year, that would be marvelous....but I think every day at my age would start to seem like a bit of a chore. I could be wrong...
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#5 10 July 2008, 04:32 AM
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I would love to try this.
That being said, there is no way I want to have sex during my period.
So, if fellatio is considered sex for the purposes of this gift, then, yeah, I'd do it.*
*er, sorry, no pun intended.
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#6 10 July 2008, 04:50 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Phil'sGirl
I would love to try this.
That being said, there is no way I want to have sex during my period.
So, if fellatio is considered sex for the purposes of this gift, then, yeah, I'd do it.*
*er, sorry, no pun intended.
Provided that we are talking about all sex (including fellatio) I am pretty sure I have done this. It was every day for at least a year, probably closer to two, back when DH and I were young and in love. It really can be a habit; every night you wash your face, brush your teeth, get into bed, make sure the alarm is set, have sex, then go to sleep. Or you wake up, have sex, brush your teeth, shower, go to work. We stopped the every day part when he was deployed and we were physically unable. And now we are an old, married couple so every day doesn't even sound all that appealing any more.
Having said that, I think that making a plan to do it every day or even thinking about "having" to do it every day would indeed make it into a chore, and it would likely grow old (and possibly cause resentment) well before the year was out.
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#7 10 July 2008, 04:59 AM
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Originally Posted by KKHB
Having said that, I think that making a plan to do it every day or even thinking about "having" to do it every day would indeed make it into a chore, and it would likely grow old (and possibly cause resentment) well before the year was out.
It's the "'having' to do it every day part" that I agree with. I do think about wanting to have sex everyday, and I imagine I would be happy having sex every day. Whether or not he would be happy is another story.
I don't usually plan sex, it just happens, or it doesn't, so that would be new and take getting used to.
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#8 10 July 2008, 09:00 AM
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And if she's ill one day - what happens then?
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#9 10 July 2008, 09:54 AM
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Originally Posted by Tarquin Farquart
And if she's ill one day - what happens then?
Well, just do it three times a day for a week so you have some sick days in lieu
I have to say, plenty of times i've hit the sack with women and one of us has been ill but it never stopped us. All good in my opinion, keeps the immune systems on their toes, but if you've had dysentery, 'always' leave it another week, always, before you...oh, never mind
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#10 10 July 2008, 10:09 AM
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Why is it a 'gift' at all? I'm seriously creeped out at the idea of one person 'giving' another sex as a gift.
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#11 10 July 2008, 10:11 AM
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Originally Posted by Jay Tea
Well, just do it three times a day for a week so you have some sick days in lieu
Or there will be some extra days at the end.
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#12 10 July 2008, 10:15 AM
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He should keep the receipt, in case he wants to exchange the gift. Or can he only get store credit? What if he prefers a different size or colour? My God, what if it gets broken in transit? Can he let his friends play with his birthday present?
Ummmm....I think that's all.
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#13 10 July 2008, 10:34 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Simply Madeline
Why is it a 'gift' at all? I'm seriously creeped out at the idea of one person 'giving' another sex as a gift.
This was my thought. Surely sex in a relationship is something you should both enjoy and do as often as makes the both of you happy?
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#14 10 July 2008, 12:05 PM
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I bet the guy was thinking "but I wanted a new 1 wood and some nice scotch and that shirt I was looking at the other day..."
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#15 10 July 2008, 12:28 PM
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Originally Posted by Squirt
I bet the guy was thinking "but I wanted a new 1 wood and some nice scotch and that shirt I was looking at the other day..."
Not if he's anything like me.
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#16 10 July 2008, 03:03 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gopher
This was my thought. Surely sex in a relationship is something you should both enjoy and do as often as makes the both of you happy?
That was my thought as well. A 'gift' like that would creep me out at first, but given some thought, it would probably make me reevaluate my relationship.
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#17 10 July 2008, 03:24 PM
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I heard a radio interview with the author|gift giver the other day. Some points I remember from it follow.
1) The husband actually rejected the gift at first when it was offered. They had to discuss the concept for a bit and worked out some acceptable 'outs' for situations such as business trips, sick days, etc.
2) They did not actually achieve 365 days of sex. She said after all was said and done she felt they averaged ~25 days a month.
3) The idea of it becoming a chore. She discussed how there where days where one and|or the other would not necessarily feel that up for it, but they would usually do it any way. And they came to the realization that mundane, mechanical sex can still be pretty good sex after all.
4) The over all impression was that they realized that they had let an important part of their relationship slide with the pressures of daily life especially with small children. By making this important they rediscovered this connection. While the year is up and they are no longer strict about every day, they are much more able to make the time for themselves and not let the days in-and-out stress and chores push this to the side.
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#18 10 July 2008, 04:23 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gopher
This was my thought. Surely sex in a relationship is something you should both enjoy and do as often as makes the both of you happy?
i hate to say it but it sounds like you're not married and don't have kids...
having kids puts a strain on the whole sex thing. there are nights where we're just too tired to do anything, and there are nights where it's just not gonna happen. This happens a lot for the first 3-4 months, (when you don't sleep more than a few hours a night, wake up feed the baby, go back to sleep) after that sex isn't as important... I actually think something like this, brings back the joy to sex, and it's no longer as much of a special occasion thing. kind of like dates.
when you start out in a relationship, you go out a lot, once you have kids, going out is rare, because it's much more of a chore, either you pack up the kid, diaper bag, toys, food, etc. just to go out, and then you have to unpack that when you get where you're going, it's a pain. and because of that, you don't go out as much as you used to. i think a similar gift would be a promise to go out with just the two of you once a week. and it would do a similar boost for the relationship.
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#19 10 July 2008, 04:24 PM
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At one point she talks hilariously of wanting to multi-task while having sex - 'I actually wanted to talk to him while we were doing it. I didn't see anything wrong with discussing the babysitter' - but Brad wasn't having any of it.
Danger, Will Robinson!!! structural integrity of erection failing
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#20 10 July 2008, 04:27 PM
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This made me think of Rex and Debby. I wonder if they're still visiting Tukwila as often as they were back then.
But how is it a gift to him if she also presumambly enjoys sex?
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#22 10 July 2008, 04:31 PM
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If I offered sex with me every day as a gift to a (hypothetical) boyfriend it would be like Homer buying Marge the bowling ball with his name on it . I've had a higher sex drive than any man I've been with, so if she wants this question answered:
Quote:
What man wouldn't think that was the best present ever?
I could start her a list.
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#23 10 July 2008, 04:35 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FullMetal
i hate to say it but it sounds like you're not married and don't have kids...
having kids puts a strain on the whole sex thing. there are nights where we're just too tired to do anything, and there are nights where it's just not gonna happen. This happens a lot for the first 3-4 months, (when you don't sleep more than a few hours a night, wake up feed the baby, go back to sleep) after that sex isn't as important... I actually think something like this, brings back the joy to sex, and it's no longer as much of a special occasion thing. kind of like dates.
when you start out in a relationship, you go out a lot, once you have kids, going out is rare, because it's much more of a chore, either you pack up the kid, diaper bag, toys, food, etc. just to go out, and then you have to unpack that when you get where you're going, it's a pain. and because of that, you don't go out as much as you used to. i think a similar gift would be a promise to go out with just the two of you once a week. and it would do a similar boost for the relationship.
True about me, but I still don't see this as a "gift". An agreement maybe. We as a couple agree to try and have sex more often, great. I as a wife agree to have sex with you every day, not good. A "gift" like this doesn't magically make the pressures in life go away, doesn't make your wife smell less of baby sick, it just seems to make sex a commodity, something to be gifted.
While I am sure the woman's heart was in the right place a less media version of this would be as a couple they have decided to find more time for each other.
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#24 10 July 2008, 04:47 PM
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What I want to know is what is he going to get her for her next birthday?
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#25 10 July 2008, 05:42 PM
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A dildo. aaaaa
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#26 10 July 2008, 06:08 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Artemis
But how is it a gift to him if she also presumambly enjoys sex?
Something can be a gift if it's enjoyable to both people...I can take someone out to dinner for her birthday as a gift and enjoy myself.
Unless there's a gift rule I haven't heard about.
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#27 10 July 2008, 06:09 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SatansHobbit
A dildo. aaaaa
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#28 10 July 2008, 06:14 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bthyb
Something can be a gift if it's enjoyable to both people...I can take someone out to dinner for her birthday as a gift and enjoy myself.
Unless there's a gift rule I haven't heard about.
In my house, if there's a DVD set my boyfriend wants, it's usually a fair bet that I want it, too. Gifts can certainly be mutually beneficial.
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#29 10 July 2008, 06:27 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gopher
True about me, but I still don't see this as a "gift". An agreement maybe. We as a couple agree to try and have sex more often, great. I as a wife agree to have sex with you every day, not good. A "gift" like this doesn't magically make the pressures in life go away, doesn't make your wife smell less of baby sick, it just seems to make sex a commodity, something to be gifted.
While I am sure the woman's heart was in the right place a less media version of this would be as a couple they have decided to find more time for each other.
As I have been thinking about this, I am starting to see the gift in this more and more. Her husband did want to have sex more often, but didn't go after it because he didn't want to pester her. Sex was already a commodity to them because she was constantly wondering if he was doing something just to earn sex points. The gift to me was the de-commodifying of sex. By making it something that they just do, then there wasn't any way to trade for it or to earn extras or to get out of it.
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#30 10 July 2008, 08:31 PM
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I don't like the connotation of this being a gift either. It still smacks of "this is something I will do for you no matter how I might feel about it". Even if that's not the way things transpired in this particular household that's certainly how I know I'd look at it if I read this in one of those (and aren't they always aimed at women?) marriage manuals.
Make sure you keep your weight down, don't let yourself "go", always remember whatever HE has to say is ever so much more important than anything you have to say, and most of all make sure you make yourself available to him at all times. Wouldn't want hubby to stray after all
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#31 11 July 2008, 12:22 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bthyb
Something can be a gift if it's enjoyable to both people...I can take someone out to dinner for her birthday as a gift and enjoy myself.
There's also always the double-edged gift of giving your wife some naughty lingerie...
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#32 11 July 2008, 04:51 PM
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Originally Posted by E. Q. Taft
There's also always the double-edged gift of giving your wife some naughty lingerie...
Personally, I don't see the double-edge to that at all. That's actually a gift the husband is getting himself.
For one of my husband's birthdays I got some sexy outfits - for me to wear. For him.
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#33 12 July 2008, 01:52 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by candy from strangers
If I offered sex with me every day as a gift to a (hypothetical) boyfriend it would be like Homer buying Marge the bowling ball with his name on it .
I think I love you now.
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#34 12 July 2008, 02:08 AM
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Originally Posted by candy from strangers
I've had a higher sex drive than any man I've been with, so if she wants this question answered...
I'm the same way- I find men always say that they'd like more frequent sex, but they fall into whining when tasked with it.
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#35 12 July 2008, 03:00 AM
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It sounds to me as though a great many wives could have sex with their husbands every day, if fellatio is included. Very few, however, could make love to their husbands every day.
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#36 12 July 2008, 03:00 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ana Ng
I'm the same way- I find men always say that they'd like more frequent sex, but they fall into whining when tasked with it.
What do you think it's like from our end? We grow up being bombarded with "boys like it, girls don't," and then suddenly we find out everything we've been taught about coping with sex issues is stood on its head.
Ramblin' "can we just snuggle again tonight?" Dave
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#37 12 July 2008, 03:48 AM
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Quote:
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I'm the same way- I find men always say that they'd like more frequent sex, but they fall into whining when tasked with it.
I'd have sex every day too.. if I could lie on my back for most of the time
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#38 12 July 2008, 04:19 AM
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Quote:
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It sounds to me as though a great many wives could have sex with their husbands every day, if fellatio is included. Very few, however, could make love to their husbands every day.
Far too late to change my earlier post, but let me assure you, the way I perform fellatio, it is classified as making love.
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#39 12 July 2008, 04:26 AM
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Far too late to change my earlier post, but let me assure you, the way I perform fellatio, it is classified as making love.
I was about to say something very similar. There are far more ways to "make love" than is what a lot of people immediately think of.
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#40 12 July 2008, 05:09 AM
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Quote:
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I'd have sex every day too.. if I could lie on my back for most of the time
Oh no, he didn't! He did not!
And oh, be careful what you wish for. I might have to send a PM to Mrs. Jay...
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12 July 2008, 05:32 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jay Temple
It sounds to me as though a great many wives could have sex with their husbands every day, if fellatio is included. Very few, however, could make love to their husbands every day.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Phil'sGirl
Far too late to change my earlier post, but let me assure you, the way I perform fellatio, it is classified as making love.
I wasn't suggesting that fellatio isn't a form of lovemaking. I only meant that over the course of a year, there would be a few occasions when the sex (of whatever type) didn't quite reach the level of lovemaking.
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#42 12 July 2008, 06:04 AM
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Quote:
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I'm the same way- I find men always say that they'd like more frequent sex, but they fall into whining when tasked with it.
While my experience hasn't quite been the opposite, in that the women I've been involved with haven't always said they'd like more frequent sex, the ones who have have (sadly) almost universally either been all talk, or at least had an inflated idea of their sex drive, though I can't really know which.
I've had exactly one partner whose sex drive matched my own - a very much beloved girl I was involved with in college. I still remember that when things escalated to a certain point, we both seemed surprised that the other wanted to continue. And continue we did.
I think she spoiled me, but I'm OK with that.
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#43 12 July 2008, 07:17 AM
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Just speaking personally, I'm flexible about the frequency up to a point, but what I think I would like is a woman who took the initiative sexually a reasonable portion of the time. That would tell me it was something she enjoyed, wanted, and/or needed, not just something she put up with.
Geez, but for my age I'm ridiculously inexperienced in this area.
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E. Q. Taft
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#44 13 July 2008, 09:29 PM
marrya
Join Date: 11 January 2003
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,221
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Funny though - if you think of it the other way, as in, if a husband gave his wife the gift of sex every day for a year.... how different would this conversation be?
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#45 13 July 2008, 09:31 PM
Tarquin Farquart
Join Date: 20 November 2005
Location: London, UK
Posts: 10,546
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ana Ng
I'm the same way- I find men always say that they'd like more frequent sex, but they fall into whining when tasked with it.
That certainly describes me... in the general case.
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#46 Yesterday, 02:19 AM
Ramblin' Dave
Join Date: 11 May 2005
Location: Singapore
Posts: 6,493
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Quote:
Originally Posted by marrya
Funny though - if you think of it the other way, as in, if a husband gave his wife the gift of sex every day for a year.... how different would this conversation be?
I'm not sure if it would be all that different. I don't find it such a great gift idea either way, though.
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