Talking With Your Children About Sexuality And Love

Ask any parent about what conversation they least want to have with their children, and chances are, it will be "the talk." Call it "the birds and the bees" if you want, someone they love and trust needs to teach children about sexuality and intimacy – before they learn it at school or from their friends. Sounds easy enough – No? Here are some pointers when it come to children and sexuality:

Decide How You Feel About It

Think about how you feel about sex. You should know how you feel about it, what you'd like for your child in terms of sex, what your goals are for talking to your child. At different points in a child's life, the talk will be for different reasons, to meet different goals. At a young point, the goal is to give a child information so they understand things like why a teenager who isn't married can get pregnant. At another age, they need to be given specifics about birth control or how to stay safe. Throughout, the child should be learning to love and trust themselves and their body, and to be able to come to you if or when they have more questions.

Mixing Children And Sexuality? Being Uncomfortable Is OK!

It's fine to be uncomfortable, but don't let that keep you from talking to your child! Just admit it - "Hey, I'm a little embarrassed because this isn't something we talk about much, but you need to know about it..." would work fine. Believe me, they are just as uncomfortable as you – at least initially – so don't worry about it.

Start With The Basics

When your child is just a baby, learning body parts, that is the perfect time to begin teaching them about their own body! "Where's your nose?" and "Where's your penis?" are very similar. Your child won't even realize you are hesitant – and you can add information as they get older and understand more.

Let Them Ask Questions – But Don't Wait For Them To Ask!

Some children question sexuality and love, others won't. If you want, you might miss some prime opportunities for discussion! For example, if your child's friend's mother is pregnant, what better time to discuss how the baby got inside, or how it will get out! Keep the information age-appropriate.

Emotions And Responsibility, Too!

While it is tempting to just stick to the physiology of it, be sure to also discuss the importance of relationships. And children should learn sexuality isn't just a free-for-all, but there are expectations that there will be a responsible, committed, relationship (preferably marriage!) to go with it. Sex isn't all there is to it – there is building a relationship and dating that are important prerequisites. This can be forgotten by those who watch tv and movies – which present a warped view of reality.

Puberty – Anticipate It

Children should know ahead of time what to anticipate in terms of puberty. Talk about the stage of development they are in currently, as well as the next one. Just as girls should learn about menstruation, boys should learn about a deepening voice and hair in new place. Explain that the changes are caused by hormones and are natural.

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